So its been awhile since I've posted anything, I have mixed feelings about these blogs, but I feel like writing something now. There is so much on my heart and mind lately, it seems like too much to process and work through. I can't stop thinking about the accident that I got in a week ago, not because anything awful happened or because I'm so mad about it, but because it was such a wake-up call for me. Things don't REALLY become real to us until they actually happen to US. Accidents happen all the time, every single day, its not unusual that another one happened but it sure shook me up when I was a part of one. And I just can't stop thinking about how that was just a normal day, just driving home from my sister's and yet I could have never made it home that day. What if I had died that day - would the last words I had said to people be good one's, be words I would want them to have heard for the last time from me and remember for the rest of their lives? How was I using my time - were my priorities in the right order? Was I living for God and obeying him? What would people be able to honestly say about me at my funeral? And those are questions I've been thinking about and wrestling with this week, because we all know that life is short and it could end any second when were least expecting it. God hasn't promised us 50 years down the road, he hasn't even promised us tomorrow, He's only given us now...this moment. So I just challenge YOU(whoever you are) to take some time and think about these things and about where your life is at right now. And if you don't feel good about your answers, if you know that you wouldn't want to die today because of things you've said or haven't said or because you haven't really been living for God or just whatever...then I want you to think about how life is short and we have to live every second like it could be our last. That's all...have a beautiful day. <3

I finally found the candy warheads at Walgreens!!! I bought 3 bags - one for me, one for Hannah, and one for Calla. They were the best Valentine Day gifts ever. =)

That's all for now, more another time!

Yesterday was by far the best and craziest Valentine's Day EVER! I spent the day with Hannah and Calla, it was amazing. Going to the police station to pick up my stupid dog, almost driving on the sidewalk, driving on the grass, and taking pictures of the waitor doesn't even come close to explain everything we did. Oh and how did I forget to mention this, we watched the worst movie in the whole wide world to end the night. So many memories for Valentine's Day of 2009, I'll never forget any of them.

Now I'm on the search to find candy warheads and its driving me crazy 'cause I can't find them anywhere!! Calla said she gets them all the time but I don't know where 'cause I can't find them yet. I went to CVS and they didn't have any...they looked at me like I was crazy when I asked them if they knew where any were and some of the people didn't even know what warheads were. Goodness, where have they been!? One customer was standing there and she was like "How do you know about candy warheads, those were way back in my day and then she said she could be my mom." haha, people are weird and funny. I called Rite Aid when I got home and they said they didn't have any. I need to bring back some good childhood memories and find those warheads!!!!!! I'm not giving up, I WILL FIND THEM!! =)

haha.

So how was your Valentine's Day?

Life seems so scary. I don't like the unknown. I'm sick of life, I'm tired of it all. But there are so many good things about life and God has blessed me with so much, I need to focus on that more and stop taking things for granted. I love the song "Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman, its so good.

Send some rain, would You send some rain? 'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again. And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade. Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud? Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down. Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid. But maybe not, not today. Maybe You'll provide in other ways. And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude. For lessons learned in how to thirst for You. How to bless the very sun that warms our face, if You never send us rain.

Daily bread, give us daily bread. Bless our bodies, keep our children fed. Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight. Wrap us up and warm us through, tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs. Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time. Or maybe not, not today. Maybe You'll provide in other ways. And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude. A lesson learned to hunger after You. That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead. And if we never taste that bread.

Oh, the differences that often are between what we want and what we really need.

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace. Move our hearts to hear a single beat between alibis and enemies tonight. Or maybe not, not today. Peace might be another world away. And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude for lessons learned in how to trust in You. That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream in abundance or in need. And if you never grant us peace.

But Jesus, would you please...

So good...I love Nichole Nordeman and her songs, I want to meet her someday. Her and the Ludy family. I want to give thanks to God with gratitude no matter what my circumstances are like. So if He sends the rain or if He provides in other ways, I want to be ok with that...and more then just being ok with it, I want to be thankful for how God's working and where I'm at. I feel so far from being there but I pray that God will change my heart, that He will change me in ways that only He can change me - I know He will if I let Him.

Today I went out to lunch with Hannah, kinda did school together, got ice cream, and came home. I love Hannah so much and I'm very thankful that she's a part of my life. I just got back from a nice long walk a little bit ago, it was really good. I love taking walks, its a good time to think and pray and struggle and just to get some fresh air.

Well this is long enough and I think it makes up for my lack of writing on my blog lately.

I should probably update my blog and post something else, but I just don't have the time or motivation right now. Someday.

Today I went to Lake Pointe for the youth group worship night and it was really good. I loved having a couple of hours just to be silent and focus my heart on God and everything, such a cool thing they do. I wish we had those all the time, their so good. I've really been enjoying my personal quiet times with God lately though and I'm just so excited about this life of following after God and seeing where He takes me - there's nothing better!! I didn't used to like candles very much, but just the other night I lit one in my room and just watched it for awhile and prayed before I went to bed and it was so peaceful and good. So I bought a big, good smelling candle the other day and I pretty much light it every night for a little bit before I fall asleep. Today has been a crazy busy day, but I'm not even gonna go into it because I talked about the best and most important part of my day and that's all that really matters. <3

Today's been pretty boring, just did a bunch of school and cleaning and such, but I feel good 'cause I got a lot done. I took the dog on a walk but it was FREEZING outside, its crazy. I wish there was snow on the ground if its gonna be this cold. I'm going out to dinner with Melissa in a little bit and that should make my day better, I always enjoy talking to her. I'm reading through John right now and its SO good!!! Its so full of all these promises and I love that Jesus talks so much in that book, its so exciting. Last night, I seriously couldn't stop reading chapters and I just wanted to read them over and over again. I can't believe that just a couple of years ago I thought the Bible was so boring and struggled to get anything out of it, its so different now and I love it!!!!