Today I went to Lake Pointe for the youth group worship night and it was really good. I loved having a couple of hours just to be silent and focus my heart on God and everything, such a cool thing they do. I wish we had those all the time, their so good. I've really been enjoying my personal quiet times with God lately though and I'm just so excited about this life of following after God and seeing where He takes me - there's nothing better!! I didn't used to like candles very much, but just the other night I lit one in my room and just watched it for awhile and prayed before I went to bed and it was so peaceful and good. So I bought a big, good smelling candle the other day and I pretty much light it every night for a little bit before I fall asleep. Today has been a crazy busy day, but I'm not even gonna go into it because I talked about the best and most important part of my day and that's all that really matters. <3

Today's been pretty boring, just did a bunch of school and cleaning and such, but I feel good 'cause I got a lot done. I took the dog on a walk but it was FREEZING outside, its crazy. I wish there was snow on the ground if its gonna be this cold. I'm going out to dinner with Melissa in a little bit and that should make my day better, I always enjoy talking to her. I'm reading through John right now and its SO good!!! Its so full of all these promises and I love that Jesus talks so much in that book, its so exciting. Last night, I seriously couldn't stop reading chapters and I just wanted to read them over and over again. I can't believe that just a couple of years ago I thought the Bible was so boring and struggled to get anything out of it, its so different now and I love it!!!!

Rely on God

I like posting things on my blog but I also don't at the same time. I guess I like writing so I keep doing this, but I don't like to write anything really deep or personal because I feel like everyone can see this. Anyways, that was just a quick thought I wanted to share before everything else.

So lately God's been teaching me to rely on Him and not on other people, but I'm still in the process of learning and changing and its hard. I noticed that whenever things would come up and I would struggle then my first thing would be to talk to other godly people, I would talk about God and ask questions about God, but then I wouldn't really spend much time talking TO God. I've been depending so much on other people to satisfy me with their encouragement and wisdom and comfort, but then I would go away frustrated and disappointed every time because they wouldn't be able to satisfy me. In other words, I was counting on other people to do what only God can do. It doesn't even make sense to me, like why would I go to an imperfect human who God made instead of going straight to God who has all the wisdom and comfort and encouragement and power and everything else that I so desparately need?? I still don't understand, but some how we seem to think that people can satisfy us. How foolish. I'm still struggling with this and working on going to God a lot more with everything, but its hard. We are made to rely on God, its what were supposed to do, and when we don't then things get really messed up and were never satisfied, just frustrated.

Long days

These past couple of days have been long and kinda exhausting. Yesterday I worked from 7:30-5ish. It wasn't too bad, 'cause I bundled the kids up and we went out to play in the snow for a bit, so that helped the day go better. And then I came home and got on the computer, ate dinner, took a shower, went over correcting school with my mom, played sequence, spent some time with God and went to bed. Today I had to work 8-4 and it was a long day, I didn't have the patience to be with the kids and I was so tired. And on top of that we were stuck in the house all day because it was pouring snow and we couldn't go out to play. But the snow is pretty and I liked seeing it come down. Anyways, I was happy to leave. Then I went home and got on the computer and grabbed some stuff and then headed over to Hannah's. They were making yummy things in the kitchen when I got there, actually they were finishing up. So I helped put things away and clean up a little bit. And then we went upstairs and sat there and I tried to decorate my mugs but didn't get very far - I finally did decorate the one for my mom, now I only have about 7 more to go. ha. So we talked for a little bit. Then we went downstairs and I stayed and did advent with their family and then I came home. And this is a really boring post, but Hannah wasn't happy with me because I haven't been writing anything, so I told her I would and I couldn't think of anything better to write about. And now I'm starving because its almost 9pm and I haven't eaten anything since lunch. Next time I'll try to think of something better to write. :)

Good verses

I forgot to share something from 1 Peter that I read yesterday and it really stuck out to me. And since I talked about 1 Peter in my last post, then I figured it would be a good thing to share this. :) So in 1 Peter 5:10 it says "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." Isn't that great?!? Like that just brought so much comfort and encouragement to my heart when I read it, knowing that even though I'm going through all this suffering and pain right now, it WILL be worth it!!! Its so cool to think of being restored, of being strong and firm and steadfast! Wow, what a great thought and promise to hold onto!

So much to think about, so much to work on

I feel like there is so much to write about, so much that's on my heart, but I don't know where to start. But I love writing and sharing my thoughts and my heart with other people. I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately and struggling with it more then anything else right now. Forgiveness is so crazy important and so incredibly hard, it is at the root of so many things. I didn't know forgiveness could be so hard and so important at the same time, but it is. I have become so unforgiving and so bitter over time and not dealing with things that have hurt me, but God finally woke me up and I realized that my heart had become so ugly and so messed up because I wasn't forgiving like I desparately needed to. I am still learning about forgiveness, what it means to truly forgive and what it really looks like, but it is harder then I could have ever imagined. I am thankful that God is patient with me, so so patient with me and that he doesn't make me go through all this on my own but that he walks through it with me. I'd be so lost without Him. I didn't even know that you couldn't love until you forgive, but it is true.
I was talking to Hannah yesterday about a bunch of stuff and we started talking about prayer, and I was saying how so many times I pray without expecting God to move or to do anything. I do pray for all of these things that I'm struggling with but I pray thinking that God won't really change anything. You know? And so I'm working on my prayer life too, I don't think its like it should be. I need to remember that God is so powerful and that he can and does work and do HUGE things, not that he'll always answer me like I had hoped but he will answer and I need to pray trusting that. I got together with Melissa this morning and had a really great time, we don't usually hang out and talk a lot but when we do then I just enjoy it so much! We talked a lot about forgiveness (seems to be all I talk about anymore) and family and stuff like that. I am so thankful for godly people in my life, I wouldn't know what to do without them. We need people. I always feel so encouraged and refreshed when I talk to these amazing people and I love it. I'm getting together with Amy tonight and am looking forward to that. I don't think I could ever run out of things to talk to my youth leaders about, there seems to always be so much. But anyways, back to God and what I've been thinking about. I'm reading in 1 Peter right now, I was reading in Ephesians but I decided to come back to that after some other books in the Bible because they speak more to what I'm going through right now. But 1 Peter is good, it talks about suffering and a bunch of good stuff. I love the Bible. Like for so long it was more like a chore to have to read my Bible and pray but now I desire them and I need them. Its so good. I love growing in God and experiencing more of Him, I love learning what God's teaching me and working on changing. I mean, its so painfully hard and frustrating so many times, but its so worth it.
I'm excited about God, about continuing to be stretched and continuing to grow, there isn't anything better. I have to end this now, I'm at the library because me computer at home isn't working and my times almost up. So until next time, goodbye! :)

Exhausting but good

Today has been an exhausting but good day. I woke-up this morning and I didn't feel good at all, I'm kinda getting sick but I'm really trying hard not to by taking care of myself...so far I think its working. I don't really have time to be sick right now anyways. So I got up and got dressed and left for work. It was kinda a long day with the kids, they weren't really getting along today and they weren't listening very well, but I just wanted them to play nicely together because I wasn't feeling up to dealing with it. But I made it through the day with them and then they took their nap and I ate lunch, finished economics(yay!), and then spent time reading my Bible and praying. I'm reading in Ephesians right now, I actually just started it today. I was reading 1:11 about how God chose us and that was just so cool to think about. Like yeah, I know that God chose us but like I forget that its more then that, he CHOSE ME. And like I'm so undeserving and I don't know why he did but its such a good feeling. And what I thought of was like when you have two team captains to pick who they want on their team, then like it feels so good when your actually one of the first ones to be chosen. But then there's the people who don't really get chosen, their just the last ones left and so one of the captains ends up with them and that doesn't feel so good. But like get this, God's the captain and he picked me first!!!! He didn't just end up with me. So anyways, I thought that was pretty awesome, 'cause well it is. And then in chapter 2 it talks about how undeserving and awful we are, but then one of the most amazing verses comes right after like 3 verses of how bad we are, in 2:4 it says "But because of his great love for us, God who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in our transgressions- it is by grace you have been saved." Isn't that cool!?!?!? I think of how Thanksgiving is coming up soon and those are the kinds of things I want to be thankful for. I want to be thankful that God didn't just leave me in those 3 awful verses but that so much hope comes after them!!!! 'Cause its sure not like I deserved God's great love to save me from all that. Wow...I'm just so amazed by God, how he could be so great like that. So yeah, those were the main things I was thinking about well I was reading.
And then the kids woke-up from their nap, I gave them a snack and played with them until their mom got home and then I came home. I pretty much came inside, got on the computer for a second and then went and took a nap for an hourish. I actually never fell asleep but I was so tired and it was good to at least rest and close my eyes. Then I got up, ate some dinner (homemade chicken noodle soup and muffins), did the dishes and then Hannah came over which was by far the best part of my day after my time with God. :) Hannah made me drink this awful medicine stuff that I almost threw up from but its supposed to really hope your sickness go away, so lets hope. And then we ate ice cream on the couch and talked, that was so nice. After that we cut up tickets for the Junction, which I'll be selling with Brianna tomorrow night. Then we made some phone calls and listened to music and talked some more. And then we got on the computer and Hannah helped me get this blog thing set up. Then she left. And here I am now, writing my first post. After this I'm gonna catch up on some emails, read some of velvet elvis(a book Hannah just gave me today and I'm super excited!!), and then hopefully fall asleep. <3