So much to think about, so much to work on

I feel like there is so much to write about, so much that's on my heart, but I don't know where to start. But I love writing and sharing my thoughts and my heart with other people. I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately and struggling with it more then anything else right now. Forgiveness is so crazy important and so incredibly hard, it is at the root of so many things. I didn't know forgiveness could be so hard and so important at the same time, but it is. I have become so unforgiving and so bitter over time and not dealing with things that have hurt me, but God finally woke me up and I realized that my heart had become so ugly and so messed up because I wasn't forgiving like I desparately needed to. I am still learning about forgiveness, what it means to truly forgive and what it really looks like, but it is harder then I could have ever imagined. I am thankful that God is patient with me, so so patient with me and that he doesn't make me go through all this on my own but that he walks through it with me. I'd be so lost without Him. I didn't even know that you couldn't love until you forgive, but it is true.
I was talking to Hannah yesterday about a bunch of stuff and we started talking about prayer, and I was saying how so many times I pray without expecting God to move or to do anything. I do pray for all of these things that I'm struggling with but I pray thinking that God won't really change anything. You know? And so I'm working on my prayer life too, I don't think its like it should be. I need to remember that God is so powerful and that he can and does work and do HUGE things, not that he'll always answer me like I had hoped but he will answer and I need to pray trusting that. I got together with Melissa this morning and had a really great time, we don't usually hang out and talk a lot but when we do then I just enjoy it so much! We talked a lot about forgiveness (seems to be all I talk about anymore) and family and stuff like that. I am so thankful for godly people in my life, I wouldn't know what to do without them. We need people. I always feel so encouraged and refreshed when I talk to these amazing people and I love it. I'm getting together with Amy tonight and am looking forward to that. I don't think I could ever run out of things to talk to my youth leaders about, there seems to always be so much. But anyways, back to God and what I've been thinking about. I'm reading in 1 Peter right now, I was reading in Ephesians but I decided to come back to that after some other books in the Bible because they speak more to what I'm going through right now. But 1 Peter is good, it talks about suffering and a bunch of good stuff. I love the Bible. Like for so long it was more like a chore to have to read my Bible and pray but now I desire them and I need them. Its so good. I love growing in God and experiencing more of Him, I love learning what God's teaching me and working on changing. I mean, its so painfully hard and frustrating so many times, but its so worth it.
I'm excited about God, about continuing to be stretched and continuing to grow, there isn't anything better. I have to end this now, I'm at the library because me computer at home isn't working and my times almost up. So until next time, goodbye! :)