Life seems so scary. I don't like the unknown. I'm sick of life, I'm tired of it all. But there are so many good things about life and God has blessed me with so much, I need to focus on that more and stop taking things for granted. I love the song "Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman, its so good.

Send some rain, would You send some rain? 'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again. And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade. Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud? Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down. Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid. But maybe not, not today. Maybe You'll provide in other ways. And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude. For lessons learned in how to thirst for You. How to bless the very sun that warms our face, if You never send us rain.

Daily bread, give us daily bread. Bless our bodies, keep our children fed. Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight. Wrap us up and warm us through, tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs. Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time. Or maybe not, not today. Maybe You'll provide in other ways. And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude. A lesson learned to hunger after You. That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead. And if we never taste that bread.

Oh, the differences that often are between what we want and what we really need.

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace. Move our hearts to hear a single beat between alibis and enemies tonight. Or maybe not, not today. Peace might be another world away. And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude for lessons learned in how to trust in You. That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream in abundance or in need. And if you never grant us peace.

But Jesus, would you please...

So good...I love Nichole Nordeman and her songs, I want to meet her someday. Her and the Ludy family. I want to give thanks to God with gratitude no matter what my circumstances are like. So if He sends the rain or if He provides in other ways, I want to be ok with that...and more then just being ok with it, I want to be thankful for how God's working and where I'm at. I feel so far from being there but I pray that God will change my heart, that He will change me in ways that only He can change me - I know He will if I let Him.

Today I went out to lunch with Hannah, kinda did school together, got ice cream, and came home. I love Hannah so much and I'm very thankful that she's a part of my life. I just got back from a nice long walk a little bit ago, it was really good. I love taking walks, its a good time to think and pray and struggle and just to get some fresh air.

Well this is long enough and I think it makes up for my lack of writing on my blog lately.